Exhilarating 'grudge' match between Stamford and Deepings St Ives almost ended in tragedy after Stamford's over-zealous celebrations (after loss).

Billed as the greatest sporting event in Stamford on Tuesday, the Stamford/ Deeping St Ives derby was destined to be a bawdy affair.

With many players familiar from past encounters, and many scores itching to be settled - the game began with excessive use of oaths, which continued throughout the match. Captain for Stamford, Pat Shitters, the disgraced South Afrikaan ex-police sergeant could frequently be heard bringing the opposition's parentage in to question.

DEEPING UP APPEARANCES

However, no matter what words Stamford used to describe their opponents, it was Deepings' skills that shined through, and they soon began to dominate. Shitters rallied his team as best he could, with enthusiastic chants, high-pitched screaming and a healthy dose of belittling anyone that failed to meet his expectations. But to no avail. And after a prolonged period of energy and effort Stamford were a disappointing 4-21 down.

HAYMAKER

As the winning team celebrated with a selection of biscuits, Shitters approached Deepings' captain (Chad Gooch) and after knocking the 69 year old's biscuit from his hand, wrestled him to the ground. Using his impressive 6' 10” South African hunter/military frame, Shitters quickly suppressed the much smaller and more delicate Gooch.

After removing a piece of Gooch's ear with his teeth, Shitters extracted himself from the tussle and returned to his team, not before spitting out a chunk of Gooch's ear in the ref's face.

After having his ear sewn up by local paramedics, Gooch complimented Stamford on their gentlemanly conduct and sense of fair play, and looked forward to meeting them again in the future. When questioned about his injuries he added, 'Indoor Bowls can be a very emotional sport and such occurrences are to be expected'.

What do you think? Far fetched?